All about aussies

Been a while, but the pause had nothing to do with me being jobless :P Its more to do with my inherent laziness.

Yeah, the title...No no, its not about Camille in the Australian Open, even though she was definitely worth the camera time she got in the finals! I did follow a few matches in the Aus Open (after a long long time), and there were indeed a few stunning moments, capped by the brilliant rally during the Men's doubles finals. The take by Paes.. kinda made me forgive the atrocious almost comic facial expressions he showcased, in the pretext of passion. I was happy to see Hingis back, being one of the last classic champions! One look at Mauresmo, Williams and Davenport and u will understand what I mean! That she was lookin even more gracious was juz a plus! Federer's whine at the end of adding his 7th crown, which sadly I saw only in one of the replays, added a melodramatic touch.

Last week was quite hectic and it flew off like anything. I did have a surprise visit from my cousin from Sydney (athai ponnu). I dont think many people will be blessed with 7 athai ponnu and 2 mama ponnu, but alas fate intervened with their average age being 45 :P Only one of them is younger to me (way too young). Before I do another Federer, let me get back to topic. This cousin came along with her 11 yr old gal, who showcased so much of an aussie attitude that I was stunned beyond belief. She was way too self obsessed, shopaholic (not for toys or barbies), care-a-damn attitude, way too sensitive, suspicious rather than courtious, "i know everything i dun need u to tell me", artificial wide grin to a camera, too much fuss, and so on.

Dealing with 11 yr old Indian kids is totally different from dealing with 11 yr old Aus kids, and I got to realise it quite soon. I gave her a chocolate and her mom asked her to give me a piece. And when she refused I juz put on my most innocent face and asked her, "Thaa please". "You dont have to beg me like this, dont you have any shame" greeted me. A slap in the face would have been better and less shocking. I tried to reason it out. I realised the nonchalant attitude of the parents towards the child's reactions and the audacious comments being met with laughter might have something to do with it.

Children are capable of stunning you with umpteen questions and put u in embarassing situations, but the sweetness and innocence comes through. Not shock and bewilderment. I have been around with quite a few kids, but this one was quite a jolt. Children dont know the right and wrong and parents are responsible of showing them the right direction and the wrong things should be immediately stymied (by a glare, a raised voice, a caution or an advice). Giving them a free hand in everything may not be the best way.

Finally, a future aussie Filter is in town and gotta take him around. One adv of being jobless I guess :P That Visithra cudnt make it here is a bit sad and a bit fortituous, as I can roam about without worrying about bashings from behind :P

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Opportunity of a Lifetime !!!

Well, opportunity knocks but once, and u just have to be at the right place and right time to grab hold of it. This is what knocked on my NTU inbox just a couple of minutes back.

Dear Deans of Schools/Institutions, Vice President/Directors of Offices,

Dr Abdul Kalam, the President of India, is scheduled to visit NTU on Thursday, 2 February 2006 between noon and 2.00 pm as part of his state visit to Singapore.

Dr Abdul Kalam will address our students at 1.00 pm at the lecture theatre, level 1, SBS Building. We wish to gather a total of about 300 students for the address.

And my dean says:

If you are interested in attending the following event – which is rare for the President of India to be here -- please let me know by today. This message was forwarded to me this morning, and I’m sorry for the short notice. SCI only has 10 seats. Since we are allocated 10 seats, I’ll just have to do it on a first come first serve basis. Let me know.

Well, what do I do..what do I do.. Summon all my typewriting skills and put it to the test to send my details across in the shortest possible time. Oh yeah, regarding right time and place, I just happened to open my webmail for sending some project-related email and there this is!!! And a total of 4 mins elapsed from the time of the mail to the time of my reply, thereby increasing my chances for attending the same, given that most of the undergrad will be sleeping at this hour(10.30am) and most of the masters students will be busy working to check their webmails now.

After this crazy few mins when my heart narrowly escaped unscathed, I forwarded this email to my masters colleagues, and hope some of them do make it!

I always wanted to be only in three professions, namely a bus conductor, a fighter pilot and an astronaut. The first went to the thrash once my huge collection of over 10000 bus tickets that I had accumulated were thrown to the bin after I came to Singapore (yeah, was there till my 12th). Next I wanted to become a fighter pilot (I dont know when, maybe from my 4th or 5th standard). I still get excited seeing a fighter plane and was on my way to serve the nation, even passing the NDA written exam, until I was diagnosed with my lifelong agony, aka color blindness. Though partial, I was to go nowhere near mettalurgy, chemical industry and ....aeronautics :( Why god why... Meanwhile I also wanted to become an astronaut (most astronauts are pilots and most of the early ones were fighter pilots, apart from being scientists). So, my dream was to become an astronaut, but for a person allergic to text books, I find it hard to fulfill that dream as well. I satisfy my desires by looking up at the night sky and wondering how it will be...

So naturally, it was a dream to meet the scientist/ researcher/ leader/ genius/ ISRO guy/ intellectual/ Vedic Scholar/ Visionary/ President of India! I have heard, read, revered him ever since I first heard about him. Followed his (partial?) autobiography in Kumudham or Vikatan, when it came out, to the hilt and can never stop admiring his personality, persona and grace. His love for science is only surpassed by his love for children. Looking forward to the opportunity of a lifetime, I do wish it materialises and I get to salute him first hand!

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Getting into the mood

A very happy pongal to all of you. There is something called getting into the mood to do anything, but even after being 2 weeks here, I am juz not able to get going in my "usual" way. There is something amiss. Maybe its time I need some company (pun intended). But I am still gonna be my usual lazy self when it comes to blogging, but in the meantime have a look at the photos I took in KL and here. Sure shot worth a visit! Just a visit, anything more than that and u r treading on boring monotonous territory!

Part 1
Part 2

Btw, this is my post 143, and for those of you who get a blush on seeing the number, the best of luck cos I have heard of quite a few breakups in the last few months than in my entire life before that!

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Economics of a Stupid Game Show

You can avoid the computer, you can even stay away from ur fone, nor chat with ur neighbours, nor visit your relatives and friends, but what u cant avoid when you are in India is the constant nuisance of the idiot box and the idiotic programmes that people are glued to. So much for my stay in Blore and Chennai for a week!

Ahalya (Perisu)
My dear bootham (Kutti)
Malargal (Perisu)
Manaivi (Perisu)
Muhurtham (Perisu)
Anandam (Perisu)
Kolangal (Perisu + J)
Selvi (Perisu)
Thanga Vettai (Kutti)
Sahana (Perisu)
Kalki (Perisu)

I think the last 5 years have reversed the roles in a way. I remember when I was a kid, I was being screamed at for sitting so close to the tv and watching news, educational (sshhh!) and sports channels. I even used to pull the remote from their hands if they tried to change channels. Now, I was the one trying to pull them away from the tv to watch the news, but I didnt get to watch even sun news or jaya news cos they pulled the remote from me :(

Anywayz, coming to the point, I was thinking about how such stupid shows survive. Especially a stupid game show where they give out 200 gms of gold every episode "challenging" participants to the post trivial stupid questions and giving blatant clues! This is what I found out.

Disclaimer: The following are the author's own viewpoint and conceptual figures are not based on actual facts. Any attempt by any of the named parties to contrieve against the author or disrupt the much-read publication (aka blog) for this attempt will lead to unwanted vulgarities and unprecedented bitching on the part of the author and his unnamed powerful aides. Sources close to the author are willing to go to any extent to protect him against legal, municipal and physical damage. The author feels the figures arrived at by the parties concerned might be even more shocking to the general public who waste their precious time watching the entertainers mentioned below. Please proceed on account that you will take it in the spirit it is meant!

Note: I am considering extreme figures for expenses and minimalistic figures for income sources.

Expenses

Gold per year: 200 gms/episode * 104 episodes * Rs 750/gm = Rs 1.56 Crores/year

Operational cost (Ramya Krishnan + show logistics) = Rs 1 crore/year.

Sun TV Screen time payment = Rs 50K/ sec/ year * 1800 sec = Rs 9 crores/year

Total Expenses: Rs 11.56 Crores.

Income sources

Time of actual show : approx. 15 mins
Time for advertisements = 15 mins = 900 seconds.

Heard from sources that chithi netted about Rs 1 lac per month for every second of advertising. Considering the show is run by the same production (Radaan), lets assume about Rs 1 lac per second of advertising for 3 months.

Advertising revenue = 900 sec * 1 lac/sec * (12 months/3 months adv block) = 36 crores!

Gross income = 36 - 11.56 = 24.44 crores
Tax (assuming honest payment of 40%) = 9.78 crores
Net Income = 14.66 crores/ year

This ideally translates to about 60-40 profit sharing between Radaan and SunTV as one would expect in a business dealing.

Is it really a stupid game show? Think again!

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Happy New Year!

Belated Happy New Year to everyone! I just realised I havent had the time to really wish anyone on the new year itself, so hope all of you have a great time! Ensoy urself and make the best out of what this year offers u! I am hearing about a lot of health problems lately and wonder if its due to the high stress levels and lesser nutritious diet that we are subjecting ourselves to.

My apologies to the friends in Chennai, Bangalore and KL who I havent met during my visit there. I was sleeping in Bangalore, lying down in a bout of fever, cold, cough and nausea in Chennai, and was cabbing around in KL.

Feels so damn good to have a feel of a keyboard after a month. Will start visiting your sites shortly and I shud be back to my usual self quite soon.

My sincere apologies to all those (few?) people who missed me.

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Monthful Bliss - Part 4 (Malaysia truly asia - Selamat Datang! Hari Krismas!)

One weird thing about travelling by train from Singapore to Malaysia is the midnight stop at the border where young or old, you need to get down and walk a mile to the emigration clearance and back. With paati along, and me wisely choosing the last compartment, had to walk an aweful lot. Her legs were already worn out in Singapore, as she had to walk quite a bit inside the tourist attractions. We travelled by Teksi from KL Sentral (train station) to our hotel in Jalan Raja Laut, trying to ignore the Malay discussion the teksi driver seriously had with us. But my parents were quite interested in the teksi driver's views, so I had to translate for them (What?????). I just let out whatever I knew about KL. My amma and paati's fears about escalators only grew as time passed, but it was mitigated as Singapore has lifts in most places. However, in KL, finding a lift in a shopping mall can be equivalent to finding an oasis in a desert.

If the KL's shopping complexes lack of lifts were a concern, the biggest problem of the whole journey occured inside them. With watches and clothes in abundance, the tiresome threesome were hunting for clothes for kids (paati's set of grandchildren). Having 8 kids and 13 grandchildren doesnt help. Everytime they calculated * 8 or *13 and my heart stopped! Luckily none of the selections materialised. Kota Raya was one of the hilarious ones. My paati found a piece of dress suitable in size for one of the kids, and I had a tough time explaining to her that it was meant for ladies. On the other end of the shop, appa selected one malay long shirt and said he was looking for himself. This repeated in numerous shops until I was vexed. Then when I took a break from gasping, my father was in heated mood. When I enquired, he was holding a piece of short sleeve T and asking the sales girl for the same for a 6 year old. Her eyes almost popped out. Sometimes, I forcefully had to drag them along to the exit. The sight of Petronas cooled them off a bit. I had to wait a crazy 2 hrs to get the tickets, but was colorful and with gorgeous people from around the world standing there, I had shall we say a pleasant wait. Not to mention I had packed off the rest of the adverture gang back home for some breakfast. With the touring party pretty fussy about their food choices, we spent the whole two days eating only in the three places I could find serving veges there... Saravana Bhavan and Annalakshmi.

I also took them to Batu Caves. I was surprised when I heard that there is a temple there. On reaching there and seeing a small set of about 300 steps, I thought it shud be a cake walk. It was exactly that (it slips, especially as it was a rainy season and it doesnt rain, it pours). The stairs were steep but it was quite enjoyable none the less. I admired the caves with an opening on top more than the religious feeling. Also, I saw the board "patthu malai murugan". Then I realised Patthu malai became Batu Caves in Bahaya Malayu. Long Live! Saw a glimpse of a 140 foot Murugan statue as well.

Tired but thoroughly enjoyable, the 9 days went off at a rapid pace. I wore a thick smile on my face, when I bid them good bye, as a 6 year wish finally had come true without any untoward happenings. Now finally, I can rest and get back to my hectic nomadic life yet again. Juz a little bit happier.

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Monthful Bliss - Part 3 (There is something about Singapore)

Let me describe the incredible four who were present at Anna International Airport embarking on a 9-day journey of their lives. Except for one demented fella driven to the limits of sanity by their pre-journey enquiries and concerns, the three co-passengers were all new to travelling onboard. The chaos started much before, as there was a miscommunication and they booked for an afternoon Air India flight while I had booked for a night Indian Airlines. So, I had to change mine to an afternoon flight (afternoon flights are cheaper than night flights by Rs 5000 aam..juz an indication of whats gonna hit me!), so that I can travel 30 mins before them and land before as well. One of the main concerns of amma was on her technique to negotiate the stairway to hell aka escalator. Appa was confident about his abilities, and after an initial stutter was through. Amma had the technique, but was scared like hell. Paati trusted me, so after some initial coaxing everytime there is an escalator, she would go up. Trust me we made a mini traffic jam at every escalator for the whole week that followed!

So, once we were safely seated after the security check, I got a lump in my throat. A quickfire briefing on what to expect onboard followed. As expected, amma and paati had nothing to do with the food served onboard, even the peanuts, cos they found people enjoying a glass of wine and beer, as well as using their trained fork and knives on things amma has just seen on tv. On the other hand, I was agitated as my flight was delayed by about an hour, which meant the possibility that I will reach after them and they might get lost in the vast airport! Then I realised I hadnt given them my address and telephone number! So much for planning! Finally when I reached the airport, I rushed to their exit to find that their flight is also delayed. Vaazhga India! Valarga Indian kalacharam!
Not only that, the pilot parked at the wrong bay!

Finally I got to say "Welcome to Singapore" and usher them through the formalities. They werent as astounded as I was when I first saw the airport or the high rise buildings or the smooth roads. All they remarked was that everything was clean. Yeah right, more emotions people!!! We reached home just in time to grab something from a closing nearby Indian restaurant. So much for the welcome day I thought.

I showed them around all the tourist attractions in Singapore and my university, but whts more interesting is how they took to it. As I had predicted earlier, my dad was quite comfy and liked the place a lot. His first concern was on the allowed smoking spaces. He was just upset he couldnt see more things and roam about more freely cos of paati. Paati was eager to come along everywhere, but her 80 year old body and her weakened legs did not offer her much mobility. This meant I had to take them everywhere in cabs, which contrary to expectations, had an increase in my wallet. What else with ATM and Debit cards and accumulated bills? My paati saw a few "things" here and there, but to be relief, chose to ignore it. My mom, on the other hand, did not like much of what she saw in the people, their lifestyle, their "behaviour", their clothes and so on. She did like a few things which largely had to do with vegetables and birds and animals. This was another reason I took them in cab most of the time, even if paati wanted to go by bus and train. Just once, planned to perfection on Christmas day morning, when I know all the teens would either be at their parents or bf place, I took them in a bus and train. But it was a 30 min journey and my heart stopped a few times along the way (in every station intently analysing the boarding passengers for any cause of "concerns", like I have never done in my 7 yrs here). Ufff, was sure an experience! If any "concern" arose, I would stand in the way of their eyesight and start talking seriously about some topic that came off my lips. Once I even clapped above my head and said "mosquito" only to get the weird stares of everyone around :P And when I was sittin with them, I admired the intricate design and plating of the train floor, so that I neednt look them in the eye. After telling me about how they served wine and beer in the aircraft, the first thing my mom checked out was the fridge and lying there proud was a couple of half empty whiskey bottles. So much for her first impression about her "nice boy" living in "foreign". It followed an intermittent week long hushed enquiries about my drinking and eating habits, as well as reminding about a "girl back home". My amused smile on all this was conceived as dont care attitude and she was even more worried! Countless assurances later, she was just the same :P

I also took them for a brief 2 day tour of Kuala Lumpur and its pheriphery, but more about Visithra's territorial terrors later in the day....

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A Monthful Bliss - Part 2 (The Chennai Odyssey)

I love travelling in trains. The blow of the whistle, the hustle buzzle of the station giving way to the "tadak tadak" chant slowly gaining in tempo, gently swaying its hips rocking those underneath to blissful sleep. The first time I travelled in Kaveri express from Chennai to Bangalore, I was all excited as I was about to see the gal of my life for the very first time. I enjoyed every second of the sleepless journey. This time around, I was in the same train bound the opposite direction, with the gal with me, looking intently into my eyes. elation, ecstasy, exhuberence, effervescence were all sleeping. Moonlight shone on her silhoutte, illuminating her crystal necklace, when yet another crystal formed in her eye and tumbled down her cheek to join the other beads around her neck. We talked through silence. The Chennai skies joined us in loud chorus and tears galore on our arrival. Thus I went home to be greeted by surprise screams and affectionate bashings. My nephew screamed in joy and rushed to my house to meet me. Smiles can be contagious and soon I was joining them.

I made elaborate plans in my mind to make full use of the 1 week. Called up a few friends who either wasnt reachable or promised to meet up which never materialised. With appa singing "tension tension tension mujhe loag bhole", it was what I would call one hectic week. Finally ended up doing nothing I had planned. But I enjoyed it to the hilt. The elder nephew dragged me into playing cricket (with a wooden bat and plastic ball) at the smallest excuse and I enjoyed the intensive battles for supremacy that followed. Meanwhile, the younger sibling had grown into a fully blown local dada, terrorising people wherever he goes with his acute sense of observation, his power of destruction being the talkin point of the town, what with his strongly built 1.5 yr body! The latest victim being a TV double his size and 10 times his weight being broken into pieces. Like a sincere uncle, I did my best to improve his "skills".

I have always been a fan of puls, but I never knew that I am making someone else jealous! Our computer mouse went on strike demanding its fair share of appreciation and I realised how much humans have become slaves to the mouse then. I tried to be heroic doing some things with my keyboard, but gave up when I tried connecting to the internet and browsing. So, that explains the absense of a blogpost nor email during that period.

Finally the day came when I could fulfill my 6-year old wish! I was accompanying my appa, amma and paati for a tour of Singapore and Malaysia! When in the airport, my elder nephew suddenly turned damn sad and enquired if he can come with us to Singapore. How I felt I could just drag him along. Singapore is a paradise for kids to visit! It was really tough for my father to try and explain that he needs a passport. When finally he realised what it takes, he asked me to buy him a hundi so that he was save money and come during the annual vacation. I did what I could, just lifted him and hugged him tight till his mom persuaded him to part ways with his uncle. With a heavy heart, we went inside Anna International Airport...

More info about Culture shock, Fish and Chips, and Showtime....check back later!

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A Monthful Bliss - Part 1 (Back to Bengaluru)

Hello and welcome back! Random Access is back in business after such a long delay. Im sure this post is gonna be quite huge considering I gotta cramp in one month of awesome experience. Anywayz, Bangalore went like a breeze except to say that the number of figs this time seemed quite less compared to last time. With gals resembling drums out in the open wearing the shortest possible tops, it looked more like the penguins I would get to see later. So much for bangalore bashing. I got sooperb home cooked food for most of the says thanks to J and Filter & Co. I was pleasantly surprised by Filter's masala dosai. Good prep for aussie voyage mite! Seems like aussie land will suit him just fine, for more than one reason! Thanks to him, I was able to do a lot of things, especially the tryst with my eternal passion called cricket. More about it in a short while...

Meanwhile, with the monsoon ravaging the city, seemed like all the blore babes were stuck indoors. So, I was engaged in morning pillow talks, afternoon siestas and evening naps. After romantic dinners in local Sagars to Forum to Aangan, that brushed past like a gentle breeze, followed a nightmare called kolangal. So much for thinking only oldies are into this serial crying business! But time whizzed past, and it was time to bid good bye...Needless to say, for the first time I went home a bit sad.

Filter made my day some days, and we roamed about a bit from his college to his house for a sumptuous lunch to the National Market which tests ur bargaining power juz like Palika Bazaar, Burma Bazaar, Pataling Street, whichever u r familiar with. With a handful of English DVDs tucked in, we came back home. My cricket obsession took a turn for the worse. Lifting the bat after 3 long years, I felt my past flutter in its colorful brilliance in the blaze of the rare afternoon sun. I proceeded to play a few shots and the ball flew to every corner of the net. Juz that only a few went after hitting the bat! The passion was there, but timing the technique comes with practice and I quickly realised I needed more time in the middle to meddle the ball. Alas, nature couldnt bear my pathetic stature and cried its heart out, thereby cutting short one of the memorable days. And wait, did I mention the gals in the Bangalore colleges (esp Jain) who thought the world of themselves. They werent the jaw dropping kind, but some of their attires were worth my sneer for sure. Also notable is my apparant lack of appreciation of the much hyped "aaha oho" food in Nandinis.

One of the highlights of the Bangalore visit was that I got to meet my friend Ramprasad after about 8 years. Dragged him to Coffee Day during his office hours for a short chat that went on for about 1.5 hrs! When will I realise that not all guys are as vetti as me? Coupled with accidental meetings with Ramprasad and Narayanan, it was quite a pleasant surprise in Bangalore for me! Btw, the city got renamed to Bengaluru.

River cruise, Nephew magic and missed dates will all be featured in the next episode...so hold on tight....

PS: for those lookin for pics, Im too lazy to upload now, will do so this weekend.

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